On Motherhood: What Makes a Mother?

"Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother." ~Oprah Winfrey

Motherhood is a tough job.

Many women think that carrying a child for nine months and childbirth are the hardest parts. That cannot be further from the truth. The real journey begins as soon as mother and child leave the hospital. That's when a woman really learns about herself and what she is capable of as a person and as a mother. She will find that not only does motherhood require the physical demands of breastfeeding, late or even sleepless nights, carrying and rocking, changing diapers, and constant crying; but it also requires patience, resilience, compassion, courage, persistence, empathy, humor, open-mindedness, sacrifice, self-control, attention, lots of hugs and kisses, and most of all, unconditional love. Without the emotional aspect, a woman is just a mother in biological terms. It takes much more than biology to be a real mother.

The biological make up of a child from each parent is just the surface. That's all the "technical" stuff that needed to exist in order for conception to occur.  But like what Oprah said, biology is the least of what makes a mother. If a mother does not forge an emotional bond early on in her child's life, or even at all, chances are, the relationship between them later in life may be unstable. Children know when they are not receiving a mother's full heart. Children are highly affected by our emotions and feelings because they feed off of our energies, just as we do with each other. That's a fact.

Human beings are emotional and feeling beings. If we were without emotions, we would just be robots roaming through life. Children who don't have an emotional bond with their mothers often grow up to be bitter, irritable, emotionless, and mean. Feelings of insecurity and inadequacy are common as well. They may be deemed as "emotionally unavailable" later in their adult relationships. Children need lots of hugs and kisses, nurturing, positive words, and smiles and laughter in order to grow into healthy, highly functional individuals.

I have always had a close relationship with my mom, although it was not without some rocky moments during my tumultuous teenage years. But that's pretty normal. Through it all, though, my mom has always been there for me. I believe that it was her nurturing and unconditional love that has solidified our bond.

Now that I have children of my own, I see even more how important the bond between mother and child is and why it must exist in order to develop a well-rounded child. My daughter is very affectionate. She is so nurturing with her dolls when she cares for them. I'd like to say that I have something to do with that. I also notice how loving my step-children are when I give them attention, positive words, and hugs, things that they lack in their biological mother's household. When they are there every other week, my step-children get yelled at and reprimanded almost everyday. Although their mother provides them with their basic needs such as a roof over their heads, food, and clothing, she hardly spends quality time with them. By the time the kids come back to their father and me, they are tired, frustrated yet relieved to be with us. We make sure ours is a home with lots of hugs and kisses.

With that said, I hope that mothers realize how important it is to be emotionally there for their kids. Moms are usually the nurturers, and it is our responsibility to provide our children with such love.